STEP ONE: THE EVENT: My expression of Self on the physical level peters out.
STEP TWO: DESCRIPTION OF EVENT: My partner and I are in New York City. We have been to the theater four times, have been to an art exhibition, have visited with P, our actor friend, and have had a meeting with our book agent. It is Sunday morning and friend P has picked us up in her automobile to take us to the airport. Because we have plenty of time, she drives us down to the lower east side to see a development along the water. We stop at the pier to get out and walk. As I start out, I suddenly feel light-headed.
I walk to a nearby park bench and sit down. My friends say, joking, "Too far to walk, huh?" (We have gone only a few steps from the car.) I reply, "Iím just going to sit for a while." My partner immediately asks, "Are you O.K.?" I say, "Yes, but I need to sit a while." She agrees and the two of them go on.
I close my eyes and immediately begin breathing up through my feet into the sacral and generative chakras and then down into the ground. I breathe and focus on the earth energies, centering and connecting. I remain in that focus until O and P return.
The light-headedness passes, but I am aware of feeling depleted. For the next several days I continue to feel spent of all energy on the physical level.
SENSE OF SELF: I was the conscious observer and director of my energies, an "impersonal" sense of self.
STRONGEST FEELINGS: I was surprised to find that I had once again exhausted my resources on the physical level. I was disappointed that I had not been able to see the exhaustion coming. I was concerned about my well-being on the physical level, fearing I was not a very good steward and not very loving of myself.
YIN-YANG: I was in my yang polarity, in the sense of being identified with my consciousness and not with my body (yin). I was yin to the communication of light-headedness, taking immediate action in response to that imprint. I was both yin and yang in reflecting on the incident, inviting insights and taking action, such as reaching out to my acupuncturist for help.
THE THEME IS: Taking care of the physical body.
REMINDERS OF PAST EXPERIENCES: This reminded me of my recent experience of being nearly "out" of white blood cells, which translates as too weak to protect myself against anything that would threaten my well-being on the physical level. It also reminds me of a sleeping dream I had in the middle of May, about two weeks before this VLE:
"We are in a meeting room. The group is seated in a large circle. I am responsible for the meeting. A woman comes in who is dying. She is whisked away to another part of the building. Later, her head is brought back and placed in the center of the circle. The blood has all been drained out so there is no mess, but it is very uncomfortable having her there in our midst. For a long time it lies there. Occasionally the head moves, the eyes roll around, etc. I try to remind myself this does not mean it is still alive, remembering how chickens continue to flop around after their heads are cut off, so that I will not respond in horror and will be able to continue to facilitate the group.
"Later a couple of men bring in the body and lay it down next to the head. The body is also bloodless, so no "mess" is made. I do not let myself think about why this has happened so that I can go on with the meeting."
When I shared this dream the next morning, someone said, "You body was saying, ĎYou can have your head; I am out of here.í" I thought that was a fine interpretation of the bodyís message. The dream also seemed to say that I cut myself off at the neck and drain myself of life force so that I wonít "mess things up," or disturb the predetermined pattern of things, or stop the flow of activity in my life.
WHAT DONíT I KNOW?
I have been present to the entire series of messages from my body since I fell asleep at the wheel of my car. I realize that nearly all of the messages could be simply read as "stop." Only a few days ago it occurred to me that I had never thought to ask, "Stop what?" I do not yet know the answer to that question, though I am working with several good possibilities.
I do not know what is being asked of me in the big sense. I do not know, therefore, what my purpose for this time period needs to be. I know that I need to find a powerful purpose that will keep me grounded and embodied.
I do not know what would happen if I "lifted off" and let the higher energies carry me "away." Would this mean physical death? I donít know.
I do not know if I have uncovered all the patterns that have caused me to withdraw or cut off energies from my body. (I have uncovered three large ones.)
I do not know if I have gotten the message yet.
WHATíS THE MESSAGE:
Well, here are some of the messages:
Ground the spiritual energies in the body.
Go more yin as you go more yang.
Feed the body lots of earth energy.
Stay in touch with feelings through the solar plexus, so you can come to knowing.
Find a new purpose that grounds you in the body.
Recommit to living in the body on the earth plane.
Take new joy in living in the body.
However, Iím not
sure I have seen the big picture or the deeper meaning, or gotten
the essential message. I have not yet had an "aha!!" or
a clear knowing.